You're Going to Get Me in Trouble, Tom!

For more or less my entire life, I have been something of a numismatist...or coin collector, to the uninitiated.  I'm not sure if you're trained or wired to be one, but you'll know it when it happens.  I'll blame my dad, since he [the tooth fairy] left Kennedy half-dollars under my pillow when I was losing all of my baby teeth.  Those big, impressive-looking 50-cent pieces got me hooked.  All the other kids at school had never seen such a sweet coin before!

My interest in currency never ceased, and in my travels over the years, I've seen lots of neat-looking money.  One mysterious bill has, despite all the world's challengers, remained my favorite among paper money...the two-dollar bill.  Nobody uses them in day-to-day life, but they inexplicably remain in circulation.  Some people don't even think it's real money!  I count myself among the proud few who support Thomas Jefferson's paper-currency spectacle, and it is my fervent hope that it continues to be circulated for the duration of the Union...right there with the half-dollar piece!

In any case, I like to keep a couple Toms (as they're lovingly referred to in the Where's George online community) tucked in my wallet to start up a conversation about how sweet two-dollar bills are, or (if I'm feeling sassy) buy something and watch the cashier squirm while they:

A.  Try to figure out if it's actually money.

B.  Try to figure out where to put it in the cash drawer.

C.  Call their manager for assistance.

If I'm in a hurry, I'll just use the debit card.

I did this once at BD's Mongolian Grill.  There was a tip jar set out for all the cooks slaving away at the grill, so I tossed a Tom into the jar and waited to see if anyone would notice.  To my sheer delight, I saw the cooks dividing the bounty a few minutes later, so I watched intently as they found the two-dollar bill in their jar.  Upon seeing the Tom, they all began scratching their heads, passing it around and debating and shrugging their shoulders.  After a few minutes, one brave cook took the bill and pocketed it.  I'd be curious to know what he ended up doing with it...

Of course, there are also some hidden connotations wrapped around the two-dollar bill which can also make for interesting conversation.  As I understand it, Toms are commonly used for horse-race betting (the standard bet is $2) and if you're lucky at the track, you'll have a nice wad of Toms to take with you to the bar/gentlemen's club for some evening entertainment.  There are probably some other shady uses for Toms, but I'm not sure I want to know given I carry them regularly.  Anyway, I've had a couple of incidents involving two-dollar bills that confirm there is indeed a dark side to Tom.

The first one involved me and a bank teller.  I was at the bank making a large cash withdrawal...of $2 bills.  This really makes the teller work for their paycheck, since they usually have to spend 5 minutes rummaging around looking for that one strap of Toms they keep around for weirdos like me.  Anyway, after getting my big wad of bills, the teller's departing comment to me was not "Have a good afternoon" or "Enjoy the weekend", but rather "HAVE FUN".  I'm pretty sure she thought I was going to engage in copious amounts of debauchery, given my receipt of $200ish in Toms.

The other one happened to me just today, and inspired this blog entry.  I was at the gas station making a purchase and had my wallet out at the register.  The cashier immediately spotted a Tom sticking out of my wallet and said something to the effect of "Did you go to the strip club last night?".  Or maybe he was asking if I was going tonight.  I don't quite remember.  In any case, I told him that I just keep them in my wallet for fun, and not for purchasing dances at the nearest gentlemen's club...and I think it broke his heart just a little.  Poor guy.

Anyway, that's why I love Tom.  But someday, he's going to get me into trouble...